What Keeps the Fire of Your Faith Burning?

 

Binghampton United Methodist Church

July 4, 2015 

Six weeks have passed since I was invited to answer this question, “What keeps the fire of your faith burning?” It is an invitation to share with you, the people of Binghampton United Methodist Church,  my testimony. That is how I see this opportunity, as a chance to give testimony to what keeps me from falling into despair. I grew up in a church where we had “Testimony Meeting” every Wednesday night. We sang choruses, raised our hands toward heaven and gave testimony, telling what God had done for us that week, what prayers had been answered and how our faith had been nourished. Those testimonies shaped our understanding and appreciation for each other. They shaped our understanding and appreciation for God. Those who have heard me tell stories about my childhood know that I am grateful to be free from the rigid legalism and the self-righteousness that was part of my childhood church. However, I am also aware that being raised in the church and in a family where faith was foremost, I have become a person of faith. It is as much a part of me as my eyes, my thoughts and my emotions. I cannot escape faith. It has been baked into my bones. And the faith that has been mine since childhood still gives my steps direction.

It has not been an easy assignment, discovering what it is that keeps the fire of my faith burning. First I reflected on how I know that I have faith. What is faith? It is certainly more than thoughts, memorized scripture verses or belief that God exists. Faith, for me, is a way of understanding life. I have faith that my life, as well as your life, means something. I am not here just to breathe, eat, sleep and move from birth to death. I am here to satisfy something deep within myself and to assist the Creator who brought me here. I believe my life means that I matter because the one who brought me here matters. And, if I pay attention to the presence of love in my life, I can help the Creator make creation what she first imagined when her work began. I am capable of helping to satisfy the Creator by becoming all that I was meant to be and by letting the light of love shine through me in such a way that creation moves toward fulfillment in the eyes of the original Creator. We are co-creators. I am a worker bee in the holy hive of life.  I have faith that we are all here to engage in divine work with the Creator.

I have concluded that there are three things that keep my faith alive: 1.) my imagination, 2.) the spiritual discipline of daily prayer and 3.) the steadfast love of my partner, Anna.

First: I imagine better days. I imagine a world where soil, water and air are treated with respect. I imagine a world where dogs and cats are not abandoned or mistreated. I imagine a world where everyone has enough tasty food to eat and regular opportunities to enjoy meals, music and dancing with friends and family. I imagine a world where diversity is a treasure to be valued and honored. I can see it up ahead. I feel it coming. And so I tell stories as a way to make it real even now—if not for all of us then for some of us. I listen to the stories that people want to tell, need to tell, as a way to let them hear for themselves how much meaning they experience in their lives, how much unique power they have to share. If not for all time then for some of the time. I imagine a better life for all of us. And I am deeply grateful for that capacity to imagine. It gives me hope and keeps me from falling into despair. I recognize that there is something childlike about the way I put my imagination to use. Some might perceive me as naïve or uninformed, too trusting for my own good, too simple to be taken seriously. There was a time when I thought I might be unintelligent, not smart enough to see how awful our circumstances are here on earth. But my faith informs me that I am surely smart enough to know that hope must be kept alive by those who are trusting, simple and imaginative. I carry a light that comes straight from the gift of my vivid imagination.

Prayer keeps the fire of my faith burning. I pray every morning, the first thing I do every day. I sit on the couch with my dog and my cat. I drink coffee, read scripture, look out into the back yard, journal and talk with God. I talk and I listen. I tell God what hurts and I share my confusion. I ask for what I want and apologize for wanting so much. I lift up the people I know who need a touch from the hand of God.  I feel heard, cared for and respected. I receive what prayer has to give me, the promise that I am not alone and that my day will not be pointless. Every day that includes a time for prayer is a day when I make spiritual progress. I trust that my entire day belongs to God but I am only able to focus on God when I sit down and devote a specific time for our relationship.

Prayer is a matter of discipline for me. I learned from my mother how to exercise and value self-discipline. I set goals for myself and work on building a new habit, whatever it is that I want to add to my daily life. Eventually the habit comes naturally and fades into my identity. I have become a person who prays every morning. That is how I see myself. It is not an effort that strains me. It is who I am. I value the discipline of daily prayer and recognize that it keeps the fire of my faith burning. I am not alone no matter what challenges face me.

And the third thing that I recognize as fuel for the fire of my faith is the steadfast love of my partner, Anna. The steadfast love of God is called “hesed.” It is a word that refers to the dependable, unchanging love of God. While God is good and being loved by God is amazing, I need to touch and be touched by love that lives in a human body. I need ears that listen to me with patience and respect.  I need to hear a voice that speaks kindly to me. I know there are cloistered saints and people of deep faith who are celibate. I am not one of them. I need to interact regularly, intimately and intensely with another human being. I need that kind of relationship in order to grow in my faith, to recognize where my own growth still needs to happen and to be reassured that I have not been abandoned. Anna is hesed personified. My faith in the goodness and abundance of God is made real for me in the love that I receive from Anna. I am grateful for my daughter’s love. Jennifer inspires me to love my own life because it is the life that gave life to her. I want her to have faith that she, too, comes from goodness and light. I value the love that I receive from so many friends. Those relationships teach me how to ask for what I need and to accept with grace the gifts that I am given.

I live in faith that we are all learning together. We have all been lost together and we have all been found in the love of God. Each of us moves back and forth between lostness and foundness. It is part of our imperfection and human weakness to waiver in our faith. We are not God. Knowing that, I trust that a better day is coming, something only God can imagine. I have faith that my prayers are all being answered and the prayers of all people are being heard even now.  And I believe that the mercy in God’s redemptive friendship with us is deeper and wider than anything we can possibly know.

This is what keeps the fire of my faith burning and I am very grateful to you for asking.

Amen