Preserving Life

Preached at Prescott Memorial Baptist Church
August 14, 2011
Genesis 45:1-28

We all come from a place where there are no enemies. We come into this world without defense and without any awareness that we might require defenses. Just look at a newborn baby. Bend over the crib in the early morning light when a baby is first waking up. The expression is beatific. You will see that babies expect the world around them to be full of wonder, glorious, kind and safe.

And then we experience family life. We get our assigned role: the hero, the mascot, the scapegoat, the trouble maker, the pet…And we fall into our script. We learn our lines. And we sharpen our skills for survival against all manner of attacks and enemies.

In his study, “The Life of Birds,” David Attenborough tells about the tragic dodo bird. A turkey-sized flightless pigeon, the dodo lived on the tropical island of Mauritius. A fruit eater it had little reason to fly. With no natural predators the dodo didn’t even know how to move quickly. So it was easy prey for humans when they came to Mauritius Island. The sailor, Volguard Iverson, shipwrecked on the island in 1662, gave the last eye witness account of the dodo. “Instead of wings,” he wrote, “these large creatures have small flaps…” And those flaps proved useless for getting away from the men who hunted them into extinction.

We think of a dodo as a stupid creature. In reality it was a creature that had no enemies, no reason to fear. So it had no reason to fly. Most birds have developed wings and they fly—not just for the pleasure of feeling the wind beneath their wings- but as a way to survive. A way to preserve life.

Human creatures learn to walk and then we learn to run. We learn to ball up our fists, pick up weapons and defend ourselves from enemies. And most of us learn these survival skills inside our own homes. In our relationships with our family.

We all have families. None of us came into the world absent contact with another human being and all the relationships involved there. Even if the connection is a deep disconnection there is a family connection of some size and significance for all of us. Somebody picked us up and put food in our mouth. And a family—for evil or for good-- came into being.

Tavis Smiley, host of NPR’s The Tavis Smiley Show, tells a story about his family. When Tavis was in the seventh grade he and his sister, Phyllis, were accused of doing something at church that they did not do. Their parents were leaders in the church: his mother was a missionary and their father was a trustee and on the board of deacons.

They had attended an afternoon service at church and some disruptive behavior took place during the program. Somehow the finger of blame got pointed at Tavis and his sister as the ringleaders—even though they were innocent. In a later church meeting the minister of the church stood in front of the entire congregation and accused Phyllis and Tavis of being the culprits. He scolded them publicly.

The brother and sister knew they were in deep trouble. They tried to convince their parents that they were not responsible for the disturbance at church. But their parents had been embarrassed and would not listen to their children. They took the minister’s word over the word of their children.

Their father was absolutely enraged. It was clear when they got home and behind closed doors that a beating was on the way. It didn’t happen immediately. The father had to go to work and he didn’t return home until 3 in the morning.

That’s when he came into the bedroom, turned on the light, got Tavis out of bed and gave him the worst beating Tavis ever had. The father beat his son with an extension cord. He beat Tavis and then he went to Phyllis room, dragged her out of bed and beat her. The father beat his children so badly that the children’s’ flesh was ripped and torn. They were in so much pain that they could not lie down. Their bleeding wounds stuck to the sheets. The next morning they could not take a bath for the open wounds that stung so badly.

Both children dressed and went to school. But they would not put on their gym shorts. They refused to change clothes in the locker room because they were too embarrassed at what the other kids would see on their backs and legs.

So Tavis was sent to the principal’s office. The coach thought Tavis was hiding something. And he was. The principal ordered Tavis to take his clothes off. When the principal and coach saw the condition of Tavis body, they called Phyllis in too. After seeing the cuts and wounds on her body the police and an ambulance were called. Phyllis and Tavis were in the hospital for seven days while their wounds were treated. Then social services took the matter to court and both children were put into foster care, taken to two separate foster homes.

After many months of living in foster care, Tavis went home to live while he finished high school. The relationships were strained and uncomfortable all during high school. Phyllis never returned home; she remained in foster care until she was an adult and on her own.

To this day Tavis Smiley and his sister are healing from that experience. It was painful, an embarrassment. Because the police were involved there was something written in the local newspaper. It was a small town and everyone was talking about the family, even the people at the church. Phyllis and Tavis felt that they had brought deep shame on the family even though they had been innocent of the original disturbance.

The incident affected Tavis and his sister differently. Tavis used the incident to motivate himself. He sought to be empowered so he would never be humiliated in the eyes of the community again. He decided he would not let his scars determine his destiny. Tavis focused on achieving and more achieving.

Phyllis allowed the incident to beat her down. She never recovered emotionally. She has never forgiven their father. She had a number of babies without having a husband to help her. She got hooked on crack. Her life has spun out of control. The scars are still visible on her arms and legs. And the scars are still evident in most of her life choices.

Tavis reports that not a single day goes by that he does not think about the beating and his father’s rage. And not a single day goes by that he does not work to heal from the pain.

The real damage happens when family members are afraid to talk about their pain. The real damage happens when families get stuck. The permanent damage happens when families refuse to admit they have been hurt. Evil takes control when family members deny that they need each other in order to heal. Families need each other in order to preserve life.

Tavis says that his father and mother have asked for forgiveness. The pain has been acknowledged between them. The mother and father have grown from acknowledging their own guilt and shame. Tavis prays for his sister. He says, “No matter how severe the pain in our lives, we must strive to do whatever is necessary to turn our pain into power.”

Keeping the Faith: Stories of Love, Courage, Healing and Hope from Black America, Tavis Smiley, Anchor Books, NY, 2002

This is how we preserve life. This is how we preserve our own life and the lives of those around us. We learn to turn our pain into power.

“Don’t be distressed,” Joseph said to his brothers when they came to Egypt for food. “Don’t be angry with yourselves because you sold me here. For God sent me before you to preserve life.” Turning pain into power. We can do that by recognizing and depending upon the power of God’s providence.

Just because God brought us into this world doesn’t mean God brought us here to abandon us. Just because God brought us into a family filled with enemies doesn’t mean God doesn’t have a powerful plan for each one of us in our family. Just because we have pain in our family does not mean there will not be power to come from the family pain. Despite the fact that Joseph was sold into slavery, he was not trapped as a victim of his past.

Edwin H. Friedman has written a classic text book on family theory. His book is Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue. It’s a book about family systems therapy. Family systems therapy focuses not on the personality of the identified patient and not on one person’s individual conflicts and anxieties but, rather, on the relationships surrounding the identified person.

The family is a unit and can only be reconciled, healed and transformed by seeing it as such. To focus on an individual is to miss the point that we live and behave in relationships. Jacob didn’t have a favorite son without having other sons for comparison. Joseph’s brothers didn’t get jealous without Joseph, his coat and his dreams. And Joseph didn’t end up in Egypt by his own choice.

He may have been a tattle tail and a bragger but how many families do you know who would actually sell their brother into slavery for that? This was a family system that needed a therapist if there ever was one.

With family therapy the therapist doesn’t look to treat the sickest or most conflicted family member but, rather, the family member who has the greatest capacity to bring change to the system. And in Jacob’s house the one most likely to bring change was the one who allowed himself to dream big dreams. God preserved Joseph in an effort to preserve life… life for Joseph, life for the family and life for the entire region.

Family therapy does not intend to calm the family down but treats crisis in the family as an opportunity to bring change to the entire system so everyone in the family has a chance to be reconciled, healed and transformed.

Joseph’s family had to deal with favoritism, jealousy, selling a brother into slavery, lies, cover-ups, guilt and shame.

Then the brothers had to travel to Egypt to secure food for the family. Just as Jacob had long ago sent Joseph into the field to take lunch to his brothers, now Jacob sends those same 10 sons who were in the field to Egypt where they will get food. And they will get that food from Joseph, the family’s change agent. This family, whether they realize it or not, depends on Joseph for nourishment. And Joseph depends on God to bring power from his pain and to preserve life.

We enter the story in pharaoh’s palace where Joseph has been made governor. Since Joseph last saw his brothers he has had to fight against enemies that were life threatening. There have been false accusations and a long imprisonment for something he did not do. Joseph had to fight in order to maintain his strength, his integrity and his wisdom. Joseph, the younger brother who was dismissed by his brothers as nothing more than trouble, has now grown and healed so that he knows himself as a man, a man capable of forgiving his family and preserving life.

Joseph says, “You meant to destroy life but God meant to preserve life.” Joseph’s life was spared from ruin and bitterness. He found a place to know his own power, enough power so he could forgive those who had hurt him, enough power so he could help to feed an entire region. And his brothers had the opportunity to be fed at the hand and by the mercy of the one they had tried to destroy. They were given a chance to be reconciled, healed and transformed.

We must strive to do whatever is necessary to turn our pain into power…in order to preserve life.

God brings us into this world and shares us with a family…mother, father, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. We might be the favorite. We might be the scapegoat. We might be the youngest. The oldest. No matter. We always belong to the Family of God.

No matter what our family does or does not do. We belong to God. No matter how deep our wounds. We belong to God. No matter how many enemies we encounter. We belong to God. We belong to God and to a world full of wonder, glorious, kind and safe. We always belong to a Love so strong it can bring good out of anything. This is our family story. This is your story. A story of steadfast and eternal love.

Amen